Thoughts On Shame
Introduction —— Shame.
Shame is a powerful emotion that all of us feel at various moments in life.
I remember feeling immense shame in grade school. My classmates often made fun of me. Little did they know that I was in a fragile place. I was living in a broken home and experiencing deep confusion and pain. Going to school each day was a safe haven, but the shame of not being accepted made my pain far worse.
Some of us have felt shame momentarily. Others of us have felt shame for long periods of time.
Shame can be an incredibly destructive emotion. Shame can also paralyze many facets of human life, and suffocate our freedom to be a whole and flourishing human.
Anatomy of Shame
Shame is an emotion that tells us that we are bad. Shame attacks our identity as a person. It blinds us from our value as humans created in the Image of God.
Shame says:
I am bad
I am unworthy
I am unlovable
I am flawed
I am defective
I am stupid
The narrative of shame erodes the value of a person. Thus, understanding the power of shame and how to process it is vital.
What is the difference between shame and guilt?
Shame and guilt are closely connected in the Bible. When we do wrong, we often feel a web of emotions.
Shame. Guilt. Discouragement. Condemnation.
A simplistic contrast between the two would go something like this.
Shame says, " I am bad."
Guilt says, "I have done bad."
Both shame and guilt, processed in unhealthy ways, can have devastating consequences. Guilt can leave us stuck in our mistakes and wrongdoings, and shame can leave us devaluing and assaulting our value and identity.
Shame in the Bible
Shame shows up very early in the Bible. In fact, we see shame mentioned before sin ever entered into human existence.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25
Adam and Eve, at one time, lived in perfect harmony with God's relational and spiritual design. They were uncovered with nothing to hide. They had no feelings of guilt for having done wrong. They had no feelings of shame devaluing their identity. They had no emotional or relational walls up as a result of shame. They were perfectly connected to each other and to God.
In the next chapter in Genesis, shame is mentioned for the second time. This time it is in the storyline of human sin.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis 3:7
Adam and Eve, after the fall, felt the devastating effects of life contrary to God's design. They had chosen to not trust God's guidance and design. As a result, they felt spiritual, relational, psychological, and emotional consequences. They attempted to hide from God, and they attempted to hide from each other. This is a picture of shame. Shame is an exposure of our nakedness--we have been revealed as imperfect and flawed. The human response to shame is often by hiding. We hide from God. We hide from people. We hide from our value and purpose. The problem with hiding is that hiding in shame will increase our shame. God did not want Adam and Eve to hide in their shame. He wanted to redemptively cover their shame. God immensely values us as humans. He knows that we need Him to reconnect with our value and identity as humans created in His Image.
Processing Shame
Because shame has such a powerful influence on human life, we have to learn how to process shame in a healthy manner. Here are a few helpful tools to untangle and respond to shame.
Learn to examine the root of shame. Why am I feeling shame? What is at the root of this emotion?
Don't let the emotion of shame lead to labeling. Shame can birth a cycle of negative thinking about ourselves. It tells us lies about ourselves.
Learn to replace the lies of shame with the truth of your worth. You were created in the Image of God. You are immensely valuable. You have a unique purpose. You are not defined by your failures and imperfections. You are not defined by the negative labels others have spoken over you. You are defined by your Creator.
Remember that God deeply loves you. You are loved. You are not banished because of your failures and imperfections. Rather than hiding from God in your shame, bring your honest self to God. He loves you.
Jesus Frees Us from Shame
When Jesus died on the cross, He dealt with the reality of human shame. We were not meant to carry our wrongdoings and imperfections alone. Guilt and shame are burdens that are too heavy to carry. Only Jesus could carry these burdens and free us from shame. So he did that on the cross. He took our guilt and shame upon Himself. We no longer have to hide from God. We no longer have to hide from each other. We are loved in all of our imperfections. We are forgiven of all of our wrongdoing. We live free from condemnation. Now we can walk in freedom and forgiveness and worth because of Jesus.
There Are Better Days Ahead.
Much Love + Peace,
Wesley, Founder + Speaker