Humans + Emotions
Introduction —— There tends to be a negative overtone when I hear the topic of emotions brought up in Christianity. Almost on a weekly basis, I hear clips on social media or teachings from pastors that take a strong stance against some facet of emotions. In particular, negative emotions get a bad wrap. Anxiety. Sorrow. Fear. Anger. Discouragement. Frustration. These are termed negative emotions because they are unpleasant to experience. Although they are unpleasant, they still have value.
Why do we have an aversion to the subject of emotions?
Why do we demonize certain emotions?
Maybe we do this because we have grown up in a cerebral culture that values the life of the mind as more valuable than emotions.
Maybe we do this because we grew up in families that were emotionally distant.
Maybe we do this because we have never been taught the value of emotions as followers of Jesus.
I would love to offer you a few thoughts about the nature of emotions so that you can better understand the value of emotions.
What Are Emotions?
Let me explain to you what emotions are.
Emotions are essentially a set of feelings. Feelings like joy, peace, anger, fear, anxiety, sorrow, love, discouragement, happiness, sadness, and so many more.
One book defined emotions as "the language of the soul." (Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, The Cry of the Soul, Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1994, 7.) Emotions are a core component of how our soul was designed, and they communicate to us what is taking place in our soul based on various factors of life.
In the book Why Emotions Matter, Tristen Colins explains that "your emotions communicate what's happening subconsciously in your body." (Tristen Collins and John Collins, Why Emotions Matter, Beaumont Press, 2019, 11.) In order to understand this communication, we have to grow in our understanding of emotions.
There is a complexity to emotions. What I mean is that emotions have many components.
There are situations that birth emotions. (e.g., you may feel peace when there is wholeness in your life.)
There are physiological responses in our bodies when we feel emotions. (e.g., you may feel anxious and notice an increased heart rate and sweaty palms.)
There is a duration of time that we feel a particular emotion. (e.g., according to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Tayler, the average emotion lasts 90 seconds. After that chemical process, staying in that emotional loop is the choice of the person.)
There are expressions of emotions. (e.g., you may feel happy and smile.)
There are responses we make based on an emotion. (e.g., you may feel fear and flee a potentially dangerous situation.)
How We Relate to Emotions
People tend to fall into different categories in terms of their relationship to emotions.
Some people demonize their emotions. Emotions are viewed as negative, and they are not embraced.
Some people idolize their emotions. Emotions are viewed as the source of all truth, and they are embraced without thoughtful processing.
Some people tend to fall into a middle ground--having a healthy relationship with their emotions in terms of valuing them and processing them in an emotionally healthy manner.
Many factors contribute to our relationship with emotions. Family of origin. Cultural narratives. Experiences. Teachings we have heard, whether positive or negative.
Emotions Are Good
God created emotions and called them "very good." (Genesis 1:31)
When God created humans in His Image, He created us as emotional beings. We are physical, material beings. We are also non-physical, immaterial beings. We have bodies--physical. We have thoughts and emotions--non-physical. And these are not independent parts of our humanity, rather, they are interdependent parts. A dualistic view of our soul and body is not a theologically accurate view. Humans are integrated. Body and soul. Material and non-material. That is why emotions have physical and non-physical components. Your emotions influence your body, and vise versa.
God did not create human emotions and call them "not good." God created human emotions and called them "very good." The ability to feel love, peace, joy, and other emotions was wired into the human soul. These emotions that God created communicate reality in our lives. To deny emotions is to deny reality. To suppress emotions is to close off a core part of what it means to be human. To demonize emotions is to devalue the full creative work of God creating us in His Image.
Emotions Are Valuable
We should have a healthy relationship with our emotions.
At a foundational level, emotions are wired into the human soul by God. They are vital to being a healthy and whole human. They are also vital to being a healthy and whole follower of Jesus. You cannot be healthy and suppress emotions. The truth is that we cannot stop feeling, just as we cannot stop thinking. You and I are most wholly human when we embrace and feel our emotions.
Sometimes we think that we can suppress certain emotions and they will just dissipate. While emotions do not last forever, the habit of suppressing our emotions will only build up inside of us. Dr. Marc Bracket notes that "if we don't express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due." (Marc Bracket, Permission to Feel, New York, NY: Celadon Books, 2019, 13)
Your emotions are communicating to you important information. You were created to feel them, embrace them, and listen to what they are communicating. This does not mean that we don't develop wisdom and self-control in processing and expressing our emotions. Self-control is integral to emotional health. Emotions are not dictators. Emotions are not directives. They are feelings communicating important information.
Emotions Are a Core Part of Following Jesus
We should be progressing in our emotional health as followers of Jesus.
Emotional health and spiritual health are integrated. Since your emotions were created by God, they cannot be separated from following Jesus. We see the importance of emotions throughout the book of Psalms. The psalmists express honest emotions to God around various circumstances of life. These psalmists were emotionally intelligent. They named their emotions. They processed their emotions. They expressed their emotions in an honest way before God.
Listen to the psalmists express honest emotions.
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” - Psalms 4:8
“I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.” - Psalms 6:6-7
“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?” - Psalms 13:2
“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” - Psalms 13:5-6
“I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.” - Psalms 31:7
“Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” - Psalms 31:9-10
“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” - Psalms 33:20-22
“My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.” - Psalms 38:7-8
“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.” - Psalms 55:4-5
A Theology of Emotions
We should develop a healthy theological understanding of emotions.
There is a biblical storyline about emotions that is important to understand. This storyline will not only help us to have a better understanding of emotions as followers of Jesus, but it will also help us to develop a healthy relationship with our emotions.
Emotions are God's design.
Emotions were marred at the fall.
Emotions are redeemed in Jesus.
Emotional health is a byproduct of a soul that feels.
Emotions are meant to be processed honestly.
Emotions are not directives.
Emotions are a healthy part of our relationships with God.
Emotions are a healthy part of human relationships.
Emotions are a healthy part of our relationship with our soul.
To feel is to be fully human.
To feel is to embrace God's design for being human.
Practical Tips toward Emotional Health
As we grow in an understanding of what emotions are and why they are valuable, it is important to learn to engage with your emotions in a healthy way. So here are a few practical tips for engaging emotions.
Learn to feel your emotions. Feel your feelings. Feeling is healthy. Suppressing is unhealthy. Feeling our emotions is a core part of emotional health.
Learn to name your emotions. It is important to become emotionally aware of the feelings that we are feeling. That is why building a vocabulary of emotions, and learning to identify the emotions that you are feeling is a helpful step toward emotional health.
Learn to ask the "why" behind your emotions. Emotions are communicating to us. If you feel an emotion, learn to ask the why behind that emotion. Why am I feeling this way? What internally or externally caused me to feel this way?
Learn to exercise self-control in expressing your emotions. It is healthy to feel. It is also healthy to learn to process your emotions and express them in a healthy manner. For example, if you feel angry, rather than lash out toward the person that prompted your anger, take some time to process why you are feeling angry and how you can communicate what you are feeling in a healthy manner.
Learn to communicate your emotions to God. You can be emotionally honest with God. He is not afraid of your emotions. He invites you and I to share how we are feeling with Him.
Learn to communicate your emotions in your relationships. The emotions that you feel in a relationship are a core part of developing and deepening that relationship. Emotionally healthy relationships occur in a space that is safe to share emotions.
Learn to invest in your physical health. Your physical health directly affects your emotional health. Take the time to become intentional with the three foundations of physical health: sleep, diet and exercise.
Learn to create the margin you need to fill up your emotional tanks. Margin is the space that you give yourself to fill up your emotional tank. Take time for yourself so that you can flourish emotionally.
I encourage you to begin to listen to the reality of what is taking place inside of you, and cultivate emotional health in your life. We are all at different places in this journey. The important part is that we begin to take the steps forward. You were created to be emotionally healthy. Begin this journey today.
There Are Better Days Ahead.
Much Love,
Wesley Towne, Founder + Speaker