Suffering Honestly
How do we walk through suffering in a healthy way as followers of Jesus?
There are many helpful answers to this question. However, one of the most helpful answers, in a culture obsessed with happiness and prone to avoiding the processing of pain, we have to learn the art of suffering honestly.
I think of the days that I was paralyzed by anxiety as the pastor of a fast growing church plant. I was suffering silently. I hid my constant anxiety and panic attacks. My wife knew, but most were unaware. I was not suffering honestly. I was suffering silently. I tried to find healing in silence. I tried to wrestle with it silently. Most of my struggles took place in the unknown. Reflecting back, I wish someone had encouraged me to suffer honestly. I wish I would have brought my suffering out in the open to close friends, mentors, and other Jesus followers. I wish I'd been encouraged to share how hard it was to be navigating leadership and paralyzing anxiety at the same time. I would have found the help, encouragement and strength in community that we all need when we are suffering. And I would have opened the door to a story that was real and relatable to others who were suffering. I can’t go back and change that scenario, but I can share my story with the hope that you will see a better way forward in your suffering.
Suffering honestly is the way of Jesus, for Jesus followers who are suffering.
Suffering Honestly
As followers of Jesus we have to learn to be honest about what we are facing. We have to come to God honestly in our pain. We have to come to community honestly in our pain. This is the only healthy way forward. We were not meant to suffer in silence. We were not meant to suffer alone. Individualism and isolation are a dangerous combination. In a world that tells us to forge our own path, we find ourselves in a complex place when we take that same message and relate it to suffering. Suffering alone is a weight too heavy to carry. Suffering alone is a dark place too hard to navigate. God created us as relational beings. That means, when we suffer, we need to be in relationship with God and people. And in those relationships we can find the help we need as we face painful circumstances in life. Suffering honestly leads us to a place of relational connection and support that are essential during the hard moments of life.
Suffering honestly may mean that we have to be...
Honest about our pain.
Honest about our wrestling.
Honest about our need for support.
Honest about our questions.
Honest about our fears and anxieties.
Honest about our weariness.
Honest about our inner dialogue.
Honest about the emotions we are feeling.
It is in this place of honesty that we find a depth of friendship forged in suffering. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." We need God in our suffering. A friendship with God is deepened because he meets us and draws near to us in our suffering. We need people in our suffering. A friendship with safe people is deepened because seasons of suffering often produce relational cultivation and closeness. In these relationships we will find… Vulnerability. Support. Strength. Love. Care. Kindness. Empathy. Safety. Peace. Hope. These are the relational resources that we need to walk through seasons of suffering and honestly face the hard moments ahead.
Suffering Honestly + Spiritual Maturity
It is also in that place of honesty that we build emotional and spiritual awareness. We know that we are maturing emotionally and spiritually when we are able to offer an accurate picture of our experience rather than putting on a facade or minimizing it. Jesus often spoke against the religious facades of his day. In our day the facades may look different, but the principle is the same. We were not designed to hide behind a false reality. Western culture has an infatuation with positivity. This cultural ethos causes us to think that we have to be positive about our suffering and dismiss our honest experience. Western culture is also prone to avoiding suffering. This cultural ethos causes us to think that we have to dismiss or suppress our experience with suffering. Neither of these cultural influences are are true or healthy. Positivity that demands that we deny our human pain is not emotionally healthy. Dismissing or suppressing our suffering is never a healthy response spiritually or emotionally.
When we mature emotionally and spiritually, we come to a place of awareness and honesty. Where culture teaches us unhealthy responses, we become aware of those unhealthy responses and lean into practicing suffering honestly. We find ourselves in a place of growth when we expose the lies that leave us in a place of dishonesty and isolation in our suffering. Suffering honestly is a spiritually mature practice.
Jesus + Suffering Honestly
Jesus suffered honestly. When Jesus was on the cross, he cried out in pain. He honestly described the incomparable suffering that he was experiencing. As Jesus was experiencing the physical pain of crucifixion and the social pain of being mocked, he was also experiencing unimaginable spiritual and relational pain. He was bearing the guilt of human sin. In this setting, Jesus cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me." (Matthew 27:46)
Notice what Jesus did not do…
Jesus did not put a positive spin on his suffering.
Jesus did not minimize his suffering.
Jesus did not isolate from his Father in his suffering.
He cried out from the depth of his soul in the most honest way. He was living through unimaginable pain. He trusted God for a hopeful and redemptive outcome in these moments, but his trust was real and honest.
Job + Suffering Honestly
Job suffered honestly. A series of tragic events occurred in his life, and he lost everything. He lost his children, his business, his employees, his wealth, his health and the support of his wife. This was a tragic and painful chapter in Job’s life. It is no surprise that Job was deeply depressed and overwhelmed by his pain.
In Job 3, he expressed his deep pain, depression and despair.
He cursed the day of his birth. (Job 1:1-3).
He had no joy. (Job 1:7)
He wished that his life would have ended through a miscarriage. (Job 3:10, 16)
He wished that he would have died at birth. (Job 3:11-12)
He was in a state of misery and turmoil. (Job 3:20)
He hoped for death. (Job 3:21)
He groaned and wept. (Job 3:24)
He was without peace. (Job 3:26)
He was restless (Job 3:26)
Job was honest about the state of complete brokenness that he was experiencing--mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Job eventually found restoration and healing, but his experience with suffering was raw and honest.
Hope + Suffering Honestly
Suffering honestly means that you have permission to be honest—honest about the pain that you are walking through. The hard parts of life are hard. God invites you to be honest with him. Talk to him about what you are truly feeling and experiencing. Reach out to a trusted person in your life as well. Tell them about the deep pain, weariness, fears and wrestling that is taking place inside of you. We need to change the cultural narrative that tells us that vulnerability and honesty are not safe. We need trusted and safe relationships during painful seasons in life. Suffering honestly in safe relationships resurrects hope within us.
There may be people who paint a negative narrative about suffering honestly. They may view suffering honestly as the antithesis of hope. So let me point out a few of these unhealthy responses.
Some people may equate suffering honestly with pessimism. Suffering honestly is not pessimism. Pessimism sees the worst and lacks hope. Spiritual maturity faces real human experiences honestly and has an abiding sense of hope.
Some people may equate suffering honestly with fatalism. Suffering honestly is not fatalism. Fatalism sees suffering as the ultimate destiny and defeat. Spiritual maturity understands that suffering is an inevitable human experience in a broken world, and also believes that through Jesus we have a hopeful future.
The truth is that honesty breeds a renewed sense of hope. True hope faces reality honestly and allows you to grieve in your suffering while also knowing that this is not the end of your story as a follower of Jesus. Because of Jesus, THERE ARE BETTER DAYS AHEAD for you.
Much Love + Peace,
Wesley Towne, Founder + Speaker